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This arrest has been brought to you courtesy of Persil

It has come out in today’s Guardian that our local police force is putting out to private sector tender a significant number of its core services – an effective privatisation of the police.

“Private companies could take responsibility for investigating crimes, patrolling neighbourhoods and even detaining suspects under a radical privatisation plan being put forward by two of the largest police forces in the country.

West Midlands and Surrey have invited bids from G4S and other major security companies on behalf of all forces across England and Wales to take over the delivery of a wide range of services previously carried out by the police”.

Of all the ridiculous notions which have been dreamed up by our Conservative / Liberal Democrat government in the two years since they took power, this surely has to be the most ridiculous of all.

Privatisations of other public services done in previous years – by both Labour and Conservative governments alike – have been bad enough; at least it has been possible to see some form of sense in introducing the profit motive into utilities such as electricity, gas, water, trains, buses, and telecommunications, whether or not one agrees with the principle – they were at least examples of services which included products which can be commodified, produced at a cost and sold to customers at cost plus profit. You could see how the introduction of the profit motive, of competition, and the redefinition of service users into customers could be made to work, even if you didn’t agree with it.

But where is the opportunity for introducing profit into policing?

Well, of course down in the East End of London, and in Belfast, (London)Derry, and Portadown they’ve long had experience of profit-driven policing:

“Nice greengrocer’s shop you’ve got here. Reeeeal nice. I do like those big glass windows you’ve got on your shop front there – they really show off your produce well.

“Of course, it really would be a shame if something bad  happened to your shop. Real shame. Cos you know there’s some bad people living round here, don’t you? And look at all those bricks left lying around from the building site on the corner. Wouldn’t take much for one of the local bad people to pick one up and throw it through your nice big window, now would it?

“Tell you what – that’s where we can help. If you just pay us £1,000 a month, we can make sure none of the local bad people pick up one of those bricks and smash your shop window for you. We’re good at protection – we’ve got a lot of experience in it.

“I’d hate to see what might happen if you weren’t protected – and we’re not a charity ourselves, are we? We wouldn’t be able to protect you for free.

“Know what I mean? Have a think about it. I’ll be back next Monday to get your answer, and take your first payment if you decide to take up our offer”.

Need I say anything more?

(You might also be interested in what BrokenBottleBoy has to say)

See also: Guards at Birmingham courts paid late after wages blunder by G4S and Police ‘privatisation’ must be suspended until commissioner election – MP.

One Response to This arrest has been brought to you courtesy of Persil

  1. sismum says:

    )bviously you haven’t caught up with the lastest money-spinning ideas from our leaders!!

    18th March – Sunday Trading rules suspended during the course of the Olympics. How is this going to help our beleaguered shops? There is only so much money to go round, and not much of it at the moment. The rash of new built shops at the moment are mainly empty (in Southport anyway) and the occupied ones are closing down at a rate of knots. More staff will have to be employed and buildings heated and paid for, so what exactly is going to be achieved except instead of staying at home and watching the Olympics on TV, or even going there,folks will be dragging their unwilling kids round the shops, fingering the goods and deciding that they can’t afford them because the extortionate cost of Petrol has pushed the price of everything up too high to afford anything but necessities.

    19th March – lastest wheeze of this madder than Thatcher lot. Roads to be handed over to private enterprise, though not necessarily turned into toll roads – how is the private enterprise supposed to be able to fix them and make a profit?Let’s think briefly about the disastrous privatisation of Railtrack for a moment – tracks not fixed, rail crashes – people die, no profits made, re-taken over by government, shareholders loose their investment (boo hoo).

    I can’t wait for Mr Osborne’s speech tomorrow

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